Change feels like walking in the dark

Uncertainty from Changes

What makes a “big” versus a “little” change?

  • More impact makes a change feel bigger, less makes it feel smaller.

It’s about potential impact.

You don’t know — until you’ve gotten to the other side, change complete, ding! — what the impact will be. The more “important” the area of the change, the greater the potential impact.

Uncertainty in Relationships

When there is uncertainty in a relationship, it feels like holding hands with someone while walking in the dark.

Dealing with Uncertainty

Ok, so: we’re in the middle of change, we’re trying to keep all our shit together, it’s not fun, there’s no pause button, what can we do?

Talk more.

Talking is a way of processing, and when we talk we can pull out the feelings and thoughts that are inside. Sometimes all we need to do is express the feelings, and they are relieved. Sometimes the thoughts and fears we have, when we say them aloud, become insignificant. Sometimes things are just as real and scary when spoken as they are when unspoken, but now we have power: once something is spoken, we have named it. We have identified it. We are beginning to understand it. That’s important. When you understand something, you can control it or (at least) control your reaction to it.

Ask more.

Ask yourself questions. More than one person involved? Ask each other questions.

  • “What feels scary to you?”
  • “What impact do you think this could have?”
  • “What feels unpredictable?”
  • “What outcome do you want? What outcome do you fear?”

Set boundaries.

You can still venture into big changes — without a dissolution of the basic structure of your life — if you set boundaries.

  • unpredictability: by setting limits on the options you’ll accept.“I’m only willing to spend X amount of money.”
  • impact: by defining how big the change can be. “XY area can be part of this, but ZY area is out of the discussion.”

Give permission.

If you’re in the midst of change that’s affecting others, you can give them permission to pause the process of change, set limits, ask questions, be angry, share their feelings, etc.

Find a survivor.

Who’s been through this kind of change and come out okay? It could be someone you know or someone you don’t know. Finding others who have been through what you’re going through can make a huge difference in your experience.

Don’t feel bad about feeling bad.

Change is difficult. Say it with me now: Change is difficult.

Don’t settle for feeling bad.

Feelings are true and feelings need to be expressed. If you will let yourself feel and express them, you’ll find more feelings. On the other side of worry, you might find excitement. On the other side of anger, you might find courage.

Life is an experiment | All this and more: https://tinyurl.com/y54maxgv |☠️ Sweary☠️

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