Love Is Not Safe

Love calls forth the untamed parts of us, the shadow and the light.

The Shadow Side of Mother Love

They are ready sooner than we think they are. We’re the ones who aren’t ready. They still look so small. They know so little.

We keep mothering in the same way — nurturing, directing, protecting — long past the time it is needed. We try to hold it all in place.

The Danger in a Controlling Love

I turn into the things I fear. I become the danger I want my children to avoid: control, judgment, aggression.

The Question We Don’t Ever Ask

There’s always a grown-up little boy we can target and attack. Most often it’s our own partners.

Until we heal in ourselves what has contributed to our own oppression, we will keep repeating it. We will keep cycling through it, over and over, until we look and see the oppressor in ourselves.

The Love We Don’t Give Ourselves

The way we treat other women is the standard we set for our daughters. We’re teaching them how they can expect to be treated.

The Way Love Helps Us Grow

But everything deeper and more primal and visceral told me to say No, to draw in, to be small. To play it safe.

The Way Love Helps Us Trust

The cry of a thousand women’s voices rang in my head and they did not sound happy. The scorn, judgment, assumptions, interpretations of a thousand women’s hurt and heartbreak and anger pushed me to a conclusion I knew in my heart to be wrong.

The Way Love Sets Us Free

Life is an experiment | All this and more: |☠️ Sweary☠️

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