The starting point for making this change is decoupling from the trigger. Decoupling means learning to fully feel anger without assigning blame for it. When I feel anger arising I turn my attention inward and allow myself to fully feel it. I allow myself to say “I feel angry” and I feel that anger in my entire system as much as I can. I relax the part of me that wants to blame the trigger, and I notice that this is a pattern of thinking about anger that is taking me away from feeling anger. I don’t shut this part of me down. I acknowledge it’s there but I keep bringing my attention back to the feeling of anger.
Bill, this is amazing. Thanks for taking the time to share it.
I’m still in the process of learning to ‘feel my feelings’ rather than stuff and smother them, ignore them, or analyze all the feeling out of them… because I’m more comfortable in analysis mode than in an emotional state that feels overwhelming. Thanks so much for articulating the process we often go through and how we may refuse to fully feel our anger… and how we can start changing those patterns, and change our relationship with anger. Beautiful.